


Take Up My Sword

by KaenOkami



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Ambition, Angst and Tragedy, Burns, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Childhood Memories, Choices, Crying, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fire, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Moral Dilemmas, Possession, Scars, Sibling Love, Training, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-05-19 12:04:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5966770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaenOkami/pseuds/KaenOkami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The survivors, Hakuei learns, are the ones left to carry on the legacy of those who fell before them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spark

_“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me.”_  
\- Jim Valvano

~0~

She was still not allowed to go into Father’s war meetings with her much bigger brothers, but she could understand to some extent why, after they had explained it to her. But though she had already begun her combat training, the years and years they had told her that she would have to wait until she _was_ allowed might as well have been an eternity to her five-year-old mind. And while she had grudgingly agreed to be patient anyway (if her brothers could do it, then so could she), Hakuei was not about to sit around doing nothing in the time between then and now. No, she was going to spend that time learning everything she could about what it was her family did and what she would one day take part in. 

She knew exactly how she was going to start, too. When he was home, Hakuyuu trained with his sword a lot, but he also sat around reading so much that sometimes she had to push herself up between her brother and his book to even get his attention. Maybe, she reasoned, if she read as much as he did, she could be even smarter than her oldest brother, who everyone was always calling things like “prodigy” and “genius” that sounded wonderful to her. 

So this night found her slipping into her father’s quarters, in the study at the back of his library. It was empty, but the door was halfway open and there was a candle still burning on the desk, illuminating the tall shelves of scrolls and books that lined the small room. _Perfect._

It took her a minute to find one that looked like something of Hakuyuu’s, but eventually she decided on a fairly thick, new-looking volume, and after carefully taking it off the second shelf, she settled down with her back against the desk to peruse it. It wasn’t recent enough to include the conquests of her father, but the history of the Tenka Plains was interesting enough to hold her attention. Between that and struggling somewhat to read the complicated, formal characters in the first place (her mother always called her a fast learner, but it was still difficult), she was so absorbed in what she was doing that she didn’t realize that someone else had found her until he spoke.

“Are you getting through that all right, Hakuei?”

Hakuei jumped so badly that she almost dropped the book at the sound of the deep, familiar voice, and her stomach lurched with guilt as she remembered that, technically, she was not allowed to be in here with her father’s possessions. Surely she would be in trouble now...

But there was not the slightest trace of anger on Emperor Hakutoku’s face as he smiled down at his only daughter. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Do you like that book?”

It took her a moment to find her voice. “Y-Yes, Papa. It’s a little hard to understand, though.”

“Well, that’s to be expected; it’s a bit advanced for someone your age. If you’d like, I’ll find you a few more on the same subjects, but that will be easier for you. Just tell me which ones you want, and they’re yours.”

“Really? I’d love that, Papa, thank you!”

Hakutoku chuckled. “Good. Now, could you tell me why you snuck down here at this hour of the night? You could have just asked me, and there are much more convenient times of day to do it.”

Truthfully, it hadn’t occurred to her to just ask permission. Her father, when he was around, was always so busy, and she didn’t want to bother him for something she wasn’t even sure he would say yes to. Now she thought that that would be a little embarrassing to admit to him, so she decided to stick with half-truth instead. “But I didn’t want to wait. I want to learn lots so I can be just like Hakuyuu-onii-sama!” 

“Is that so?”

“Mm-hm!”

The emperor’s smile broadened. “I am a very lucky man, indeed, to be blessed with such ambitious children. But, you know, Hakuei, you shouldn’t try to be exactly like either of your older brothers.”

She blinked, confused. “I shouldn’t? Why not?”

“Because...Come here, I want you to listen carefully,” he said, stepping forward and bending to lift his little daughter onto his hip. “Don’t get the wrong idea; it is perfectly all right to admire your big brothers. They do try so hard to be good role models for you and Hakuryuu, after all. But you shouldn’t try to turn yourself into a copy of either of them, so to speak. You need to focus on being _you. _You’re a smart, thoughtful girl, and I have no doubt that you will grow up to be a fine and strong woman.”__

__“Yeah!” she agreed happily, wrapping her arms around her father’s neck. “I’ll grow up really strong and help Papa fight, too!”_ _

__“That’s what you’re planning to do, then? Let me show you something...” Hakutoku moved over to sit down at his desk, setting Hakuei on his lap and gesturing to the large map that took up a good two-thirds of the wooden surface. “This is Kou, here in the far east. And flanking us are Gou and Gai. You’ve been taught those basics already, I assume?”_ _

__“Yeah. Mama and onii-sama and my tutors told me that we want to make Gou and Gai into Kou, too, right?”_ _

__“Exactly. The people of the Tenka Plains have always been at war. Eternal fighting, eternal bloodshed...That is our reputation. That is the only history we have,” he explained, his expression darkening. “I have had quite enough of it, as have all those who follow me now. What your brothers and I are trying to do right now is put a permanent end to the war between our three separate countries, and merge all of them into one unified nation.”_ _

__“And then you’ll be emperor of all of it, right? And you and Hakuyuu-onii-sama and Hakuren-nii-sama will get to be home all the time?”_ _

__“Is that what you want?” When she nodded, he smiled ruefully. “I would like that, too, very much. But I’m afraid it can’t be that way for a long time. Even after we become one nation, there will still be many other things for us to attend to.”_ _

__“Like what?”_ _

__“Like the whole rest of the map, for instance,” Hakutoku answered, running his hand across the paper. “The Musta’sim Kingdom and the Reim Empire in the midwest...and then Balbadd and the Parthevia Empire in the far west...and so, so many countries in between. I have a great plan for this world of ours, Hakuei. I cannot stop with just Gou and Gai - every last one of these countries will one day be joined into a single, unbroken Kou Empire. A whole world with no war, no conflict, united in the ultimate peace under one king...That is what your brothers and I are fighting for. Do you understand that?”_ _

__“I think so...”_ _

__Hakuei leaned in closer, scrutinizing the map. The myriad possibilities that perpetually ran through her father’s head slowly began to form in her own. They tried their best to hide it, but when her big brothers and their comrades returned from battle, they were always worn down and weary, with fresh wounds paining their bodies and new memories weighing them down and dull, distant looks in their eyes. And that wasn’t even getting into the things that she had heard could and did happen on the battlefield itself. All that suffering and death...Her father was going to stop it all, for every single person in every single country in the world, and Hakuyuu and Hakuren were going to help him._ _

__“I’ll do that, too, Papa! I’ll help you!”_ _

__“You’ll be a soldier, when you’re older? You know you’ll have to work very hard, for a very long time, before you even see your first battle.”_ _

__“Yes! I can do it, just like you and onii-sama and nii-sama can do it!”_ _

__“Well, then,” Hakutoku said, a glint of pride in his eyes. “I look forward to the day when my daughter can fight by my side as well.”_ _


	2. The Price of Royalty

_“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”_  
\- Richard Puz

~0~

The sun shone high and bright over the royal family’s training court, as Hakuei’s latest training session with her father went into its second hour. They didn’t happen all that often, Hakuei reflected as she jumped back for a fresh attack, with the emperor on more and longer campaigns than ever these days. Her brothers were able to prove their worth to Hakutoku on the battlefield all the time, but these were the only chances Hakuei had to do the same, so she threw herself into every single lesson with her trainers and tutors in order to take full advantage of them when they came. And though she suspected that Hakutoku was just going easy on her (her shirt was stuck to her back with sweat and her pants were streaked with dirt from all the spills she had taken, but her smiling father didn’t look as if he’d been sparring at all), it seemed to be going fairly well. 

She darted at and around him again, trying for the targets he had had her memorize in the time he'd been gone: _low kick to the back of the knee, jump, snake strike to the kidney, sidestep, reverse punch to the solar plexus._ She noted that she was moving faster than last time (points for her in that area, at least), but still her father easily evaded every single thing she threw at him, and she couldn't land one hit. The thought made her grit her teeth; this was her last chance to spend time with Hakutoku before he left for his next campaign, and she wasn’t about to look as if she hadn’t improved in front of the man she most wanted to impress. 

_Though it’s not my fault that Father’s built like a tree,_ Hakuei reasoned as she threw her arm up to block, wondering how she was supposed to get the upper hand on someone three times her size and bulk. _But that’s probably the point, isn’t it?_

Now that she was close enough that Hakutoku could go on the offensive too, almost all of her attention was taken up with trying to block his attacks (none of which would actually harm her, of course, but did wound her pride considerably). Somehow, she ended up like this in every single sparring match with her father, but for the first time, the realization made her want to smile. In the time between this match and the last one, she had recognized the weakness and devoted even more of her training time to fixing it, like patching up a hole in a wall. And now today, she would overcome one more hurdle on her way to becoming a real warrior of the royal family.

_That’s right...If I can’t overcome enemies that are stronger than I am..._

Her small size gave her one advantage: as Hakuren liked to say, she could move like the wind, ducking and dodging away from every attack. But this time, she knew better how to wait, to look for an opening. And in just a few moments, she spotted one, right between Hakutoku’s arms, and lunged for it. 

_...Then I won’t be worthy of fighting beside my father!_

She knew she wouldn’t have time for more than one attack, so she threw everything she had into one last jump and punch, right at her father’s heart. For a split second, it looked as if she would finally land a hit, and a smile burst onto her face - 

Until, just an instant before her knuckles made contact, something hit her arm from the right and her legs from the left, and she cried out in surprise as her world flipped upside down. For a moment, she glanced around, confused and disoriented and suddenly held immobile, until her eyes landed on her father’s bright eyes and amused smile on an odd angle above her, and she understood. 

“Father!” She tried to sound indignant, but that feeling over losing _again_ was overshadowed by her urge to laugh. “Put me down!”

“All right,” Hakutoku said, chuckling as he turned his daughter back right-side-up and gently set her on her feet. 

“You know, in a _real_ battle, nobody’s going to pull a move like that, Father,” Hakuei pointed out, crossing her arms and trying for the kind of stern tone and expression that Hakuyuu liked to use. “You should take this more seriously!”

“You’re right - I ought to start taking your example, shouldn’t I? What are you now, twenty-five years old?”

The lighthearted teasing made her giggle - she could never stay annoyed at her father for too long. “I’m _eleven,_ Father!”

“Oh, that’s right, I must have gotten you confused with your big brother! You’ve improved very much since the last time I saw you.” He reached out and playfully ruffled his daughter’s hair. “So fast, with such sharp-eyed focus...You’ll certainly be a force to be reckoned with someday soon.”

“When will I go to fight with you and onii-sama and everyone for real?” Hakuei asked, thinking that her father’s idea of soon contrasted sharply with hers. “Kouen already can, and he’s not that much older than me.”

“Don’t compare yourself to Kouen, or anyone else. It will do you no good, nor will throwing yourself into a real battlefield before you’re ready.”

“But I want to be there with you! I’m your daughter, I should be supporting you!” _I should be doing something to make you proud of me, if nothing else..._

“That would be your role as my soldier, but not as my child.” Hakutoku reached down and laid a heavy hand on her shoulder. “When your older brothers first came into the army with me, they weren’t that much older than you, and I clearly remember thinking back then that I could stand to wait a few more years before they first saw war. I feel the same way about you now. As your father, it’s _my_ duty to be there for _you,_ and to know what’s best to make you strong and keep you safe.”

Well, that made too much sense for her to argue, Hakuei thought, sighing. “I know, Father. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize. I know you’ve been trying very hard, and I am proud of your ambition. But right now, all you need to worry about is focusing on your training and your lessons, so when you finally are ready to join your brothers, you’ll be as prepared as possible. And besides, you have another duty here - if you left now, who would help teach Hakuryuu? He looks up to you so much, and we wouldn’t want to leave him and your mother alone, would we?”

“I guess not,” Hakuei agreed, smiling at the thought of her younger brother. “I can be to him what onii-sama and nii-sama are to me, right?”

_“Exactly._ Even if you aren’t fighting beside me just yet, you are still very important to the family, and I want you to remember that. Ideally, every one of us should be able to rely on the others. Your big brothers will be there for you, you will be there for Hakuryuu, and I will _always_ be there for my children. That’s what it means to be a true member of this family. But I know you already understand that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, Father!” she assured him earnestly, and a wave of elation washed over her when her father’s smile broadened.

“That's my good girl. You know, I'm already very proud of you, Hakuei.”

No words could ever make her happier. “I know, Father - thank you!”

~0~

“Okay, so first, you go into horse stance!” Hakuei dropped down into the stance, holding her arms up as Hakuryuu watched attentively. “And then you _block_ with the left arm, and _punch_ with the right arm. Got it?”

Hakuryuu nodded eagerly. “Got it! Is it my turn?”

“Yeah, go ahead!”

Hakuryuu immediately dropped down and rushed through a clumsy imitation of his sister’s moves, his heels pulling up clumps of earth from the hillside in his haste. “Was that good, aneue?”

“Hmm...Well, it wasn't bad! But what you're going to want to do is really throw your weight into it when you move left and right. And you shouldn’t move your legs so much, just your upper body. Nii-sama told me that all your power when you hit is going to come from your hips, so keep that in mind, too.”

“Uh...” All of a sudden, her brother looked somewhat less sure of himself. “Doesn’t this form have twenty other moves after the punch? That’s a lot to remember for all of them.”

“Forty, actually. And it’s a lot to remember now, but don’t worry - soon it’ll feel so natural to you that you won’t even be thinking about any of it, you’ll be able to just _do_ it. That’s how it was when nii-sama taught me, and he said that it was the same when Father taught him.”

“Okay! Can I try again?” Hakuryuu asked, quickly reassured. “Maybe I can get it perfect by the time Father comes back and surprise him!”

“Sure you can! Go for it!”

But almost as soon as he dropped into horse stance again, something else caught Hakuei’s attention. “Hey...Who’s that?” 

“Huh?” Hakuryuu turned to follow her gaze, and saw the pair on horseback tearing across the field behind them, heading right for the palace. “Wow, something must be going on...Wait, aren’t those our brothers?!” 

“What? But they left with Father - No, that is them!” Hakuei exclaimed, shocked. “What are they doing coming back to the palace?”

From the way his face had lit up, Hakuryuu didn’t seem to be considering any potential reasons - all he cared about was that his big brothers were _here._ “Hey! Aniue!” he shouted, waving vigorously. “Welcome back!”

The two were close enough to see clearly now, and from the surprise on their faces as both their heads snapped to the side to look at Hakuryuu, close enough to hear, too. A chill ran down Hakuei’s spine as she watched her older brothers exchange an anxious look, and then immediately wheel around and ride up to their siblings. “What are you guys doing out here?” Hakuren shouted. 

“J-Just training a little,” Hakuryuu answered shakily, abruptly picking up on the tension of the older three. 

“Nii-sama, what happened?” 

“You shouldn’t be out by yourselves right now,” said Hakuyuu, leaning off his horse to lift Hakuei up onto the saddle beside him, as Hakuren did the same with Hakuryuu. “Come here, we’ll take you back home.”

As they bolted back towards the palace, Hakuei wrapped her arms around her brother’s waist and held on tightly, her pulse pounding in her ears louder than the horse’s hooves. “Onii-sama,” she called, desperate now for an answer. _“What happened?”_

“It's Father,” Hakuyuu said, his voice breaking on the last word, and Hakuei’s blood ran cold. “Our father is dead.”

~0~

It stormed the day of her father’s funeral. 

The family stood apart from what seemed like the whole population of Rakushou and then some, and she gripped Hakuren’s hand like a lifeline as she stared at the body (so carefully dressed in ceremonial robes, with a white cloth wrapped around his head to cover the ugly hole where the assassin’s arrow had pierced it) burning to ash on the funeral pyre, the only thing covered from the falling rain. 

She didn't want to watch her father’s face, blank and still as it had never been in life, twisting and melting into something unrecognizable before her eyes - she would dearly love to do the same as Hakuryuu, to bury her face into their mother’s shoulder and sob until this was all over - but she had to watch. Her big brothers were right beside her, and Kouen was right behind them, and though all of them looked as if they were burning on the pyre right along with Hakutoku, they stood with their backs straight and their faces stoic, and even though she was feeling for the first time what it was for a heart to break, Hakuei knew that she must do the same.

Later, they could all drop their guard and let everything out, grieve however they had to in order to move on. But now, they must show respect for their father, for the last time that they could before he was completely erased from this world.

_Goodbye, Father,_ she thought, swallowing hard as the rain poured down and ran alongside the tears on her face. _I'm sorry...I couldn't be there for anybody like I should have. I'm so sorry!_

The storm hadn’t let up even by that night, when an especially loud boom of thunder jerked her out of sleep with a cry, pale and shaking from nightmares of red whirlwinds and flaming arrows and her father’s dying screams. She thought fleetingly of calling out for him, before she remembered like a punch in the gut why she couldn’t, not anymore. But then someone opened her door, and when he poked his head inside, for a moment she really believed that her father had somehow managed to come back, because he knew how badly they needed him -

And then he spoke, and the soft, smooth voice was nothing like Father’s. “Hakuei? Are you all right?”

“Oh,” she murmured, trying to mask her disappointment. “Y-Yeah, onii-sama, I’m fine.”

Hakuyuu didn’t look convinced. “May I come in for a minute?” She nodded, and he came to sit beside her on the bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she leaned into his side. “How are you holding up?”

She started to nod, but then figured that he’d be able to tell if she was lying, so she shrugged instead. “Mm, I can understand that,” Hakuyuu said. “You handled everything very well today, even though I’m sure that you’re feeling the same pain that I am right now. I’m proud of you.”

“Th-Thank you, onii-sama,” she whispered, not liking how small and frail she sounded compared to him. “I...I know everyone says it, but you’re a lot like Father, you know?”

A rueful smile tugged at his lips. “Ah...I can only hope I am.”

“You’re going to be emperor now, aren’t you? Since you’re the crown prince?”

“That’s the plan. I was told the coronation will be held in less than a week.”

“Are you scared?”

“Yes - but who wouldn't be? I'm sure Father was scared too. Don't worry about me, though. I've been trained for this my entire life, you know. You just have to focus on getting stronger yourself, now that you're getting older, and higher in the line of succession. And I'll be there to help you as long as I’m able.”

“As long...as you're able?” she repeated nervously. Her father’s fragile promise rang in her head - _I will_ always _be there for my children_ \- and she didn’t like the implications of her brother’s words. “What happened to Father...It could happen to you, too. Even if you’re more prepared than he was.”

“...It would be foolish not to consider the possibility. I’m sorry that this is the best reassurance I can give you. But it wouldn’t do you any good to be dishonest.” Her brother’s smile faded, and the stony expression of the funeral replaced it. “We are the imperial family of Kou. We are powerful and privileged, yes, but our heritage is a double-edged sword. Not only are we honor-bound to use that power to protect the people of our empire, but we also have to spend our lives trying to guard ourselves and everything we have worked to create from those who would tear it all down.” He turned to look her full in the face. “Hakuei, if anything should ever happen to Hakuren and I...All of our duties would be passed on to you, since you would be the oldest. Protecting Hakuryuu, keeping an eye on Mother, leading and fighting with the army, taking care of the empire - all of our burdens would fall on your shoulders, all at once. Can you - ”

“I can handle that!” Hakuei cut him off, nodding earnestly. “Not just for you, but for the whole empire, too! Father said that I can be just as important a member of the family as you two, after all.”

Hakuyuu smiled, clearly pleased. “Of course you are. As royals, our duty is to preserve the Kou Empire above absolutely everything else. We all have to be the strongest, the smartest, the most enduring, in order to do what we were born to do. But sometimes even that’s not enough to protect us.”

Hakuei had known all of this already, but the reminder of her responsibility as a princess still intimidated her. But, it seemed, it intimidated her big brother, too, so at least she wasn’t alone in that. Speaking of which...

“But we don’t have to do any of that alone!” she exclaimed, remembering what Hakutoku had told her. “We’re a family, after all. We can help each other and protect each other. You’ll have a lot more to do when you’re emperor, but you’ll have me and nii-sama and Hakuryuu and Kouen and Koumei and Mother and everybody right there for you. You don’t need to worry.”

As reassurances went, that one seemed pretty good to her. But what came onto Hakuyuu’s face couldn’t exactly be called a smile, and there was a strange look in his eyes. “I don’t think I’ll ever not need to worry. Like I said, it wouldn’t be very smart to let my guard down completely. You don’t always know who to trust in a place like this.”

“Onii-sama...You don’t trust us?” Hakuei asked, starting to shrink away from him.

“No, that’s not what I - Of course I trust _you,”_ Hakuyuu amended, pulling her back and holding her closer in apology. “We have some good family members to rely on. Hakuren, Kouen, and Koumei have always fought bravely with me, and I could never doubt that you and Hakuryuu love me. It’s just...Sometimes your judgment will be wrong, and you have to be prepared for that.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well...Did I ever tell you about what happened when I was four, when a band of soldiers from Gai broke into the palace?” Hakuei’s eyes widened, and she shook her head. “Okay, then I will now. I didn’t know what was going on, just that something dangerous was in the palace and it was after the royal family. Mother took me down into the tunnels below the grounds to hide, because she thought we’d be safe there, but then...We ran into a pile of dead guards.”

“The soldiers were already down there?!”

“Yeah. And it wasn't long after that, that they showed up right in front of us. They were huge, grinning with all their teeth, and far too eager to kill us both.” He gave a short, breathless laugh. “I thought we were done for. I had never been so scared in my life, and I thought Mother felt the same way. But she...She looked at the soldiers like you'd look at rats or ants. She picked up a sword from a dead guard, charged at the soldiers, and slaughtered every single one of them.”

“What?! _Mother_ did that?! I mean, I know she’s strong, but still - ”

“You wouldn’t have expected her to be so ruthless? Neither did I. It was all over in about ten seconds. She was covered in blood, but none of it was hers, she didn’t have a scratch on her. She did, however, have a huge smile on her face, and pride in her eyes...She was pleased that I’d seen her do that; she told me that she wanted me to grow up strong like that, for her.” The not-smile fell from his face. “Mother saved my life that day...”

_That’s true,_ Hakuei thought, _so why does he sound so sad about it? What could be the point of that story?_ “And that’s how you learned that she was stronger than you thought, right?” she guessed. “And that was when she started teaching you to fight with a sword too?”

“Yeah...” Hakuyuu turned to her with a calmer look on his face. “People aren’t always what they seem to be, Hakuei. Sometimes they'll do things that you would never have expected of them, and you need to be prepared for that. That's all I’m really getting at.”

“That makes more sense,” she agreed, reaching over and wrapping her arms around her brother’s waist. “You know, one day I'm going to surprise you like that, too! I'll be so strong you and nii-sama won’t even know what happened!”

“Oh, that won’t be at all unexpected,” Hakuyuu laughed. “In fact, I would be surprised if you didn’t become stronger than me one day!”

It took a moment for the words to sink in, and when they did, it brought her up short. “Stronger...than you, onii-sama?”

“Yes, of course,” he said brightly. “I have no doubt that one day, you and Hakuryuu will surpass me and Hakuren. I’m counting on it!”

Warmth welled up in her chest, and a smile burst onto her face as she hugged her brother even tighter. “I will! I’ll work really hard! I won’t let you down, onii-sama!”

“I'm sure you won't. Now, do you think you’ll be able to get back to sleep without me, or should I stay for tonight?”

“Well...” When she thought about it, she probably could sleep perfectly well on her own now. But, Hakuei considered, things like this probably weren't going to happen any more once Hakuyuu became emperor and had a lot less time to spend on his younger siblings. She ought to savor the moment while it lasted. “I’d like to have you here, if that's okay.”

Hakuyuu smiled, leaning back against the headboard. “All right. I'll stay until you're fast asleep.”

“Okay.” She curled up closer to her brother, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes. “Thanks for coming in for me, onii-sama. You didn't have to do that.”

“Sure I did,” Hakuyuu said as he rubbed her back. “I’ve got to make sure my little sister’s okay, don’t I?” It only took a couple minutes for her to start falling back asleep from there, and just before she did, she heard her brother murmuring, “Sleep well, Hakuei.”

_It really was nice of him to come for me,_ was her last hazy thought of the night, and she slipped back into unconsciousness, not suspecting in the least that less than three days later, her brothers would burn and there would be no one who would come for her at all.


	3. Into the Inferno

_“Fire sweeps their homes, they feel the dragon’s breath  
Consuming and destructive flames, agonizing death.”_

\- Gods of War Arise, Amon Amarth

~0~

Hakuei was alone when the fire broke out, and she had never seen it coming.

One minute she had been roaming around in search of her older brothers, and the next, what she would later be told was some kind of explosion had gone off in a nearby room and and immediately plunged her into a world of fire and destruction.

Her lungs burned and the smoke stung her eyes, but still she sprinted as hard and fast as she could through the hell that had minutes before been her home, trying desperately to find a way out. But nowhere was safe, the inferno was everything, and the only people she caught sight of were already dead and charred black on the floor. Too many times, each to her horror, she nearly tripped over them. As flames licked her arms and legs from all sides, rising higher and higher with every second, she wished that someone, _anyone,_ would come to pull her out of this nightmare. She had wanted her father back from the second she had gotten the news of his murder, but she had never in her life yearned for him more than she did now. But even more than him, she wanted to find her surviving family, thinking wildly that if only she could, this would all turn out all right.

_Hakuyuu-onii-sama, Hakuren-nii-sama, Hakuryuu, Mother...Where are you?! Please don’t be hurt, please still be alive!_

The roaring of the fire was so loud in her ears that she didn’t hear the warning crack in the walls until it was too late to get away. Burning wood broke from it, falling from right above her; with a shriek, she tried to dart out of the way, but she wasn’t quite quick enough. A large plank crashed hard on her right foot, and she heard a sickening _pop_ when her ankle twisted the wrong way as she slammed to the floor. Immediately, she felt her hands and knees starting to burn, too, and a sob tore from her throat (already raw and aching from the heat) as she wrenched her leg out from under the wood and tried to start running again. But with a newly sprained ankle, all she could do was struggle and stumble with one useless leg dragging behind her.

Tears blurred her vision even worse than the smoke, as the fire raged on and the heat grew more and more unbearable around her. There was no way out now, she realized, she was going to burn with the palace. _Oh gods oh gods not like this I don’t want to die like this please no it hurts it hurts so much please Mama Papa please help me I don’t wanna die!_

It took all the strength left in her to keep moving instead of dropping with exhaustion, to do something as simple as drag her battered body around the next corner. But then when she did, through the smoke she could see a hole burned in the wall, its blackened edges still aflame, and caught a glimpse of the outside through it. _Yes, oh gods,_ yes! _Move, I have to move!_

A great wave of hope and adrenaline flooded Hakuei’s veins as she threw herself with everything she had at her last chance of survival, uncaring of the pain that shot through her ankle with every step. One step, then another, and another - closer, closer, _closer!_ \- and then all at once she had charged out of the fire and into the cold night air. She staggered only a short distance before her legs gave out and she collapsed onto the damp grass, welcoming the coolness on her hot, flushed face, and letting her eyes close as the rush faded and fatigue finally took her over. 

Under the hissing of the fire behind her were the anxious voices she could hear from the other side of the yard:

“It’s the princess!”

“Someone get her out of here!”

“See if she’s hurt!”

None of them mattered to her. Though her heart still raced and tears leaked from beneath her closed eyelids, she didn’t want to move, not even to turn her head and look. Then she heard a voice shriller and far more frantic than any of the others start screaming, “Hakuei! _Hakuei!”_

For a moment, she didn’t realize who it was; in eleven years of life, never once had she heard this person raise her voice. Then it clicked in her head, and instantly her eyes flew open and she forced herself to wrench her torso up and look at the woman sprinting towards her. _“Mother!”_

In the seconds it took to reach a hand out to her, Gyokuen was right there at her side, dropping to her knees and gathering her daughter into her arms. She held her so tightly it almost hurt, but Hakuei welcomed the crushing embrace. Her mother was strength, she was safety, she would keep away anything that wanted to harm her. So she sobbed freely into her chest, pulse pounding in her ears, listening to the older woman croon to her in a voice that trembled with relief. “Oh, my darling, thank goodness you’re okay...I’m here now, I’m here, you’re going to be all right. Can you breathe?”

“Y-Yes...M-Mother...Mother, I was s-so scared!”

“Shhh, you’re safe now, precious girl. I’m right here, I’ll protect you. Shhh...”

“Mother...” It took much more effort than it should have to pull back and look Gyokuen in the face. “Wh-Where are the boys? They got out, too, r-right?”

The look on Gyokuen’s face gave her the answer before she even opened her mouth. “No, not yet. As far as we know, they’re still inside.”

“What?!” Hakuei turned to look at the fire still raging beside them. All three of her brothers were still trapped in there, burning... _burning_...Why had she been the only one to escape?!

Almost as soon as she’d moved, Gyokuen wrapped a hand around the back of her head and gently pressed her face back into her chest. “No, don’t look. Don’t look,” she whispered. “There’s nothing you can do.”

“But, Mother - !”

“Hush, now,” she cooed, holding her tighter. “Don’t be frightened, precious. Mother’s here.”

She tried to think of something else to say, but before she could, the voice of a man she hadn’t heard approach made her jump. “Your Majesty, the princess could need medical treatment. May we take her to the infirmary?” A jolt of panic ran through her, and she clung tightly to her mother’s dress, trembling harder at the thought of being let go just yet.

“Calm down, now, I won’t leave you. But he does have a point,” Gyokuen said, her tone faintly admonishing. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

“M-My hands and legs got burned a little...and I-I think I sprained my ankle,” Hakuei admitted. “But that’s not that bad!”

“No, it’s not, gods be praised. Don’t worry, I can treat you myself,” she decided, standing up with her child still in her arms. “I’ve taken care of things like this before.”

“Your Majesty,” the man - a guard, she saw now - started to object. “With all due respect, are you certain that’s - ?”

“Do not argue with me. Let me take care of my daughter - all of you just do your jobs and _get my sons out of there,”_ Gyokuen ordered, in the iron voice of the empress. “If my children die because of your incompetence, their blood is on _your_ hands, do you understand me?”

“Yes, Your Majesty!” all the guards close enough to hear said in unison, bowing their heads in deference. They quickly turned their attentions back to the burning palace, as Gyokuen began to carry her daughter away from it. 

Afraid as she was, Hakuei was somewhat reluctant to go. She didn’t want to just lie around helplessly while her brothers were in danger, but what was she supposed to do? She couldn’t even stand, could barely keep her still-stinging eyes open by this point. She was completely powerless to help them... _Useless._ Those thoughts rushed relentlessly through her mind, making her head and heart pound and sending a fresh wave of tears streaming freely down her face, that not even her mother’s gentle touch and soft words could calm.

She wasn’t sure how long it took them to reach their destination, but when they finally stopped, she looked up from her mother’s shoulder and saw that they were at the door of the empress’ bedroom. Before she could ask what they were doing there, a voice that was familiar but wholly unexpected came from the shadows. 

“I heard what was going on,” Ithnan said. “What are we going to do?”

“I am going to attend to my daughter, and you are going to ensure that we are not disturbed,” Gyokuen informed him. “You will also continue to monitor the rescue efforts, command the priests still inside the palace, and let me know the instant you get news of what’s happened to my sons. Falan’s left already?”

“Yes, just like you told her to. A good thing she was so quick about it: I doubt she’d have the stomach to handle what’s happening to the children.”

“Indeed. I trust you can handle this alone?”

“You wouldn’t keep me around if I couldn’t. Just leave everything to me.” Ithnan looked down at Hakuei then, and she thought she could see faint pity in his eyes. “Don’t fret, little princess. Your mother and I are doing all we can.”

She had never known much about Ithnan: not where he came from, not what exactly he did for Gyokuen, not even what his face looked like underneath the omnipresent veil. But her mother trusted him implicitly, and would always speak to him with complete confidence in his abilities (which was more than she gave any other soldier or servant). She supposed that she should do the same, and nodded to him in acknowledgement, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to speak clearly in front of him right now. 

“Very good,” he said, and turned back to Gyokuen. “I leave you to it, Empress.” And with that, Ithnan disappeared as quickly as he had come.

Satisfied with her friend’s obedience, Gyokuen shifted Hakuei to one arm for a moment (part of her was impressed that her mother was able to carry her so effortlessly for so long; she wasn’t exactly a little girl any more), took a key from her dress pocket and unlocked the door, and entered her room. She laid her daughter down in the middle of the massive bed, and lightly placed her hands on the girl’s chest. “I don’t know much healing magic, but I can perform a spell that should eliminate any effects of smoke inhalation,” she explained when Hakuei looked at her curiously. “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt... _Hawa Nazif.”_

The words had barely left her mouth when her hands were sheathed in a haze of violet, and the burning in Hakuei’s lungs, throat, and nose immediately disappeared. At the surprised look on her face, Gyokuen smiled. “That feels much better, doesn’t it? Now, let’s take care of everything else...” She started to look over the wounds she could see through her daughter’s singed clothes. “You said that only your limbs were burned, correct?”

“Th-those and my hands, too,” she said thickly, lifting her right hand to show the red, blistered palm. 

“Mm, that shouldn’t take much to soothe. Lie still, dear,” Gyokuen said, putting her arm back down with one hand and taking a small pair of scissors from her nearby vanity with the other. “I’ll need to cut away the fabric stuck to the burns before I can do anything with them. It won’t matter much, the dress was ruined anyway.”

“I don’t care about _that,”_ Hakuei pointed out as her mother set to work. “Th-The boys...Ithnan will help them, won’t he? A-And all the rest of the guards.”

“Of course they will.”

“But what...wh-what if - ?”

“Shh, you’ll make yourself sick, worrying like this. Now, like I said, lie still,” she instructed, straightening up and replacing the scissors. “I’ll get water and medicine for your burns and ice for your ankle. For once, I’m grateful that your father’s war wounds used to keep opening back up: at least I’m prepared now.” 

She stepped into the adjoining bathroom for a moment, and left Hakuei with nothing to distract her from the fear that still clawed at her heart. What if all the help and all the rescuers in the palace just weren’t enough? What if they couldn’t save the three people she loved the most? 

_My brothers are going to die._ The thought hit her like a punch. _My brothers are going to die!_

Her already-agonized body was racked once more with sobs, and she curled up on herself despite the pain and pressed her face into one of the many pillows. She didn’t notice that her mother had come back until she felt fingers running through her hair and a voice in her ear. “Oh, darling, I know, I know it hurts,” Gyokuen murmured, gently moving her back onto her back, slipping ice wrapped in a cloth under her ankle, and starting to attend to her burns. “I promise, you’ll be all right.”

“They’re gonna die!” she cried, her stomach turning. The cold feeling of a wet cloth and burn ointment on her skin wasn’t at all soothing. “They’re gonna die! First Father, a-and now - !”

“No, we don’t know that. Don’t panic and hurt yourself any more.”

“Hakuryuu’s s-still so little...” The image of her sweet, innocent baby brother - her only younger brother! - going up in flames like a piece of kindling made her heart twist. And Hakuyuu and Hakuren...Her older brothers were stronger than any living human, she could never doubt that. But they would be as powerless as anyone else against a force like this. 

“The last I heard, he was with Hakuyuu and Hakuren. If he’s still with them, then they’ll protect him no matter what. They’re strong like your father, and they’ve been through worse than this.”

“But if they can’t - !”

_“Shhh.”_ Gyokuen laid a cool hand on Hakuei’s forehead, brushing ash-covered hair out of her face. “You’re safe now. I’ll make sure of it, and I’m thankful enough for it. All we can do now is hope that your brothers will have the luck that you did.”

_So you mean, whatever happens, happens, and we’ll just have to be okay with that?!_ Hakuei opened her mouth to protest, but her mother spoke over her, tilting her head up and holding something to her lips. 

“Drink this, darling, it will help you calm down.”

Too surprised to do anything but obey, she swallowed the thin, faintly sweet lavender liquid from the vial at her mouth. Barely a moment after it was finished, though, an overpowering wave of drowsiness washed over her, and all of a sudden it was a struggle just to keep her eyes open. 

“Mother...?” she heard herself whimper. 

Gyokuen’s image was blurred, but she could still see the mix of pity, apology, and relief in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Hakuei. But you need to rest now; like I said before, in your condition, you’ll worry yourself sick. While you sleep, I’ll get you bandaged up and - “

“Gyokuen-sama!” a call from outside the door cut her off.

The empress narrowed her eyes, turning to the door. “I believe I ordered that I was not to be disturbed.”

“Forgive us, Gyokuen-sama! But your son has been found, alive!”

“What?!” Instantly, she moved to head for the door, but paused a moment to assure her daughter, “What did I tell you, then? I’ll be right here when you wake up, hopefully with your brothers,” before hurrying away. As though from a great distance away instead of merely across the room, Hakuei heard her mother command the men who had called her away, “Look after her.” 

In the moment before unconsciousness claimed her completely, the full implications of their words hit her like a slap, and a final frightened thought flashed in her mind.

_Son...Only one made it...Oh, gods, which one of them is it?!_


	4. Shattered

_“I know he’s living in hell every single day_  
And so I ask, ‘Oh, God, is there some way for me to take his place?’  
And when they say, ‘It’s all touch-and-go,’ I wish I could make it go away.” 

\- _Permanent,_ David Cook

~0~

They sat in silence by the infirmary bed, one on each side, and it was a full ten minutes before Kouen spoke up. “At least he’s not getting any worse.”

Hakuei knew that he was doing his best to comfort her. (His best was all her cousin ever gave, after all.) But while she did appreciate it, it wasn’t making her feel any better. “But he isn’t improving any more, either.”

Absently, she reached out and tucked the sheets more snugly around her little brother’s neck. Winter always came on sooner than they thought in this part of the empire, and Hakuryuu still couldn’t handle the cold very well. She glanced over to the smaller chair beside hers, wondering if the other sleeping child in the room needed something similar. But Judal, curled up on the cushion like a dozing kitten, seemed fine at the moment. Part of her had been surprised at the little Magi: ever since he had gotten permission to come and visit the prince, he had spent more and more time here with each visit, until nothing short of a direct order from Gyokuen had been enough to move him from this room. She had seen the two boys playing together sometimes, but she had never guessed that Judal would be so devoted to her brother. He seemed convinced that Hakuryuu needed him there as a bodyguard of sorts, that his constant presence would surely be enough to ward off anyone who wished the younger boy further harm. 

“I’m the Magi,” he had said firmly when Hakuei asked him about it. “They won’t do anything while I’m here. Not to my king candidates. They _can’t.”_

He hadn’t elaborated on exactly who _they_ were, but had kept his vigil over his friend nonetheless. The only times he felt that it was safe to even sleep were like now, when there were people like Hakuei and Kouen here who he trusted to not let anything happen. She didn’t fully understand it, but she was grateful. When Hakuryuu woke up (she would not let herself even think _if_ instead), he would wake to find their brothers dead, their mother about to remarry, and their places in the royal hierarchy completely overturned. He would need all the loyalty and protection that he could get. 

And, of course, he would wake to find his face and body permanently ruined, she thought miserably. Her own burns were nothing; the marks were all gone by now, two months later. Hakuryuu would be covered in those awful scars (too deep for even healing magic to fix, said her mother) for the rest of his life. She moved her hand up from his neck to gently stroke his hair, one finger brushing against the freshly changed bandage over his eye, and swallowed hard against another lump in her throat. Part of her said scornfully that she had no right to be this upset: Hakuryuu had far more reason to cry than she did. He had already gone through much worse than she had, and would have even worse to deal with in the future.

_It should have been me...Oh, gods above, why was it you instead of me?!_

“Hakuei-dono?” She glanced up to meet Kouen’s eyes, and he continued in a low, steadying voice. “You remember how the nurses said that, since it’s been so long and he’s fairly stable, there’s a chance that he might be able to hear us if we talk to him? Do you want to try that again?”

Hakuei considered it, somewhat skeptically. She had talked to Hakuryuu (well, talked _at_ him would be the more accurate word) plenty of times before when she visited - usually general murmurs of comfort and musings on what was currently happening in the palace - but with only the faint hope that it would get him to respond to her. Even so, she wasn’t about to pass up a chance to reach her brother. At worst, nothing would change, but at best, Hakuryuu would hear his big sister’s voice and know, on some level, that she was there by his side.

“Hakuryuu,” she whispered, her hand resting still on his hair. “I hope that you can hear me, at least a little. I want you to know, you have nothing to worry about. Everyone wants you to be okay, and they’re waiting for you to wake up. And Kouen, Judal-kun, and I, we’re all right here; we won’t let anything else happen to you. So...So you can rest easy, you’re going to be just fine.”

Following her example, Kouen took one of Hakuryuu’s hands in his own, as carefully as if he were handling the thinnest glass. “Your sister has been taking very good care of you since you’ve been hurt, Hakuryuu-dono. She’s been helping the nurses feed you, give you water, dress your wounds, keep you clean, everything. You’re in good hands with her here.”

“You know, Hakuryuu,” Hakuei went on, wondering whether it would help to say his name so much. “I was just thinking before about the times when Father and our brothers came back home from battle. Both of us wanted so badly to be old enough to be old enough and strong enough to go and fight with them...We couldn’t wait for that day, could we?” She would never say it to his face, of course, but sometimes she looked at Kouen and felt a sharp pang of envy, that he had been the one who fought beside her father and brothers instead of her. He had always been there to support them...What had _she_ been able to do, especially by comparison? “I was so eager to be there at their side, that I would always ask the three of them to tell me all about it. Living vicariously through them, I suppose. And there was one night, a long while ago, when Hakuyuu-onii-sama taught me a song he’d learned up north. I can still remember it...”

It was one of her favorite memories of Hakuyuu. Alone in the royal family’s quarters, wrapped in her older brother’s arms and settled comfortably on his lap, with the steady beat of his heart in one ear and the sound of his voice in the other. She had felt so safe with him, back then; she only wished that she could share that feeling with Hakuryuu. _“Cherry blossoms gracefully bloom over the fields that lie,”_ she began to sing, as softly and sweetly as she could. _“High up is the castle wall; where have the warriors gone? Where is the moonlight that shone so brightly from on high, shone upon the warriors who drained the glasses dry?”_

In those few moments, Kouen and Judal had all but faded into the background. There were only two things in Hakuei’s focus: her own voice and Hakuryuu’s face. Even asleep, that face was tense and tight, as if he were still feeling all the pain and fear he had experienced in the fire. She resumed running her fingers through his hair, wishing she could wipe all of that away, take it all on herself, anything to see her little brother’s face happy and peaceful again. 

_“White frost over the autumn camps freezes the whole night, flocks of wild birds cry and pass just below the moon. Where is the light of that moon that always shone so bright, shone upon the warrior’s swords, gleaming in the night?”_

She trailed off, only able to clearly remember that half of the song, and the last note hung in the air for a moment. Her brother remained still and unresponsive as ever, and something in Hakuei’s chest twisted. “Please wake up, Hakuryuu,” she murmured. “We’ll be patient, but we’re all waiting for you. It’ll be okay. I promise.”

She couldn’t think of anything more to say; at least, nothing that wouldn’t run the risk of getting her choked up again. Kouen nodded approvingly, but said nothing as well. The room fell back into the silence of before, with only the breathing of the two sleeping children, one’s calm and one’s ragged, to disturb it. 

A minute passed this way, and then another, and then another.

In the years to come, not even Hakuryuu would ever be sure whether it had happened from random chance or from the sound of Hakuei’s voice. But the fact remained that not long after this, for the first time in two months, Hakuryuu slowly opened his unbandaged eye and, on seeing the blurry face above him, whispered faintly, “M...M-Mother?”

At the impossibly soft sound, Hakuei’s heart skipped a beat, and an elated smile split her face when she realized what had happened. “Hakuryuu!” she cried out, making her cousin jump. _“Hakuryuu_ \- Kouen, go get my mother! Get my mother!” 

“Y-Yes, of course!” Kouen stammered, dropping Hakuryuu’s hand and bolting out of the room.

The older children’s shouts jerked Judal abruptly out of sleep. “Urf?” he said blearily, lifting his head to look at Hakuei with glazed eyes. “Ei-nee-san, wha’s goin’ on?”

“Hakuryuu woke up!” she told him, her face and voice brighter than she had believed possible. 

“Really?!” That news woke Judal up in an instant, and he sat up on his chair and leaned over to the younger boy with an excited grin. “Hey, Hakuryuu!”

Hakuryuu’s face scrunched up in discomfort. “Aneue, Judal...You’re _loud.”_

“Sorry, sorry...Judal-kun, we’re going to have to go easy on him for a while, all right?” Still beaming, Judal nodded and pulled back again, never taking his eyes off of Hakuryuu. Hakuei turned her attention back to her brother, relief still surging through her like a river, and tried for the soft tone of voice that their mother had soothed her with. “How are you feeling, Hakuryuu? Does anything hurt?”

“Don’t think so,” he mumbled, squinting to try and focus on her. “Jus’ feels weird...Where did aniue go?”

All at once, her insides froze, and the smile dropped from her face. Had Hakuryuu not been with Hakuyuu and Hakuren after all? Or was it just taking a while for his memories of them to come back? Either way...How was she supposed to tell them that their brothers had both been burned to ashes? Even Judal, for perhaps the first time in his life, looked lost for words. 

Hakuryuu quickly picked up on their distress. “Wh-What’s wrong? Where are they?”

“Hakuryuu...” Hakuei swallowed hard, steeled herself, and took her brother’s hand in both of hers. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

~0~

It was another two weeks before Hakuryuu was allowed to remove the bandages from his face and body for good, and the only person he wanted with him when he did so for the first time was Hakuei. (She had been somewhat flattered but very surprised that he had wanted her instead of their mother, but she wouldn’t upset him any more by pressing the point.)

She knelt close beside him as he stood before his bedroom mirror, trying to gather his courage. His fingers were clenched tightly into tiny, trembling fists, and he looked at his reflection as if it were about to leap out from the glass and bite him. Knowing that the longer he drew this out, the worse it would be for him, Hakuei laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and murmured, “You can’t keep them on forever. It’ll be easier to just get it over with quickly.”

“Aneue...I don’t want to,” he said plaintively. “I-I’m scared to.”

The pure fear in the boy’s voice twisted her heart like an iron hand, but she tried to keep her voice calm and steady. “I know, but whatever you’re going to see, it’s probably not at all as scary as what you’re imagining right now.” He didn’t answer, but still hesitated, so she offered, “If you don’t think you can do it, I’ll take them off for you.”

“N-No, don’t...I can...”

Slowly, shakily, Hakuryuu uncurled his fingers and reached up to the tight knot of cloth at the back of his head. He picked awkwardly at it for a few moments, and Hakuei stayed still and patient, reminding herself even as her heart began to pound that she had to control her own reaction. Hakuryuu could let his feelings out now however he needed to, but she would not hurt him any further by recoiling, or looking at all upset, or - 

The knot came undone, and the bandages fell to the floor. Hakuryuu stared in horror at his reflection, at what had been permanently seared over his now unnaturally pale eye. “M-My face...” he stammered, both eyes stretched wide. “My _face!”_

If she was being honest with herself, the sight of the healed (for lack of a better word) scar made Hakuei feel a small twinge of relief. She had seen it early on while helping to change the dressings on the wounds, when they had still been red and raw like charred meat, and it looked much better now, all things considered. But it would do no good to say any of that out loud. “Hakuryuu, it’s okay - "

“No, it’s _not!”_ he cried out, voice breaking on the last word, turning on her with tears pouring down his cheeks. _(At least that part of the eye still works,_ she thought fleetingly.) “It’s okay for _you!_ You came out looking perfect! But I...I-I’m - !” The words caught in his throat, and he tried but he couldn’t get anything more out through his tears.

Immediately, Hakuei reached out and pulled him into her arms, holding him tightly as he clung to the front of her dress. “It’s all right. Just let it out,” she whispered into his ear. “I’m here. Let it all out.”

They sat that way for a long while, Hakuei rubbing comforting circles on her brother’s back while he sobbed unrestrainedly into her shoulder. He hadn’t cried yet, not about any of this, Hakuei reflected, and it was not at all good for him to bottle all his emotions up in a misguided attempt to act strong. She was sure that that was what their brothers would say; she had watched both of them, time and time again, freely shedding tears for the soldiers they had seen fall on the battlefield.

_Hakuei, when something bad happens, never pretend that you don’t feel anything. It will hurt you, break you,_ Hakuren had told her at one of those times. _Crying, grieving...These are good things. They’re proof that you still have a heart. So let yourself feel and let yourself mourn, and then pick yourself back up and start to move on._

_Nii-sama,_ she thought. _I can do that. And I can show Hakuryuu how to do it, too._

She wasn’t sure how much time passed until Hakuryuu was able to speak again, and even then, his words were so faint and muffled that she had to ask, “What was that?”

“It...” Unwilling to leave her arms completely yet, he turned his head just enough to uncover his mouth. “It hurts, aneue,” he whimpered, and she knew he wasn’t talking only about the scar. “It _hurts.”_

“I know, I feel it too. But I’m still here with you, and I will do everything I can to make it okay, I promise.”

“But we can’t make everything go back to normal. We can’t help our brothers. Or Father. Or _anyone,”_ Hakuryuu went on miserably. “What...What are we supposed to do now?”

She bit her lip, trying to keep herself composed while she racked her brain for the right thing to say. _What would onii-sama do? What would Father do?_

Gently, she moved her hands from Hakuryuu’s back to his shoulders, and tried to move him back just enough so that he could see her clearly, but he misunderstood her intentions and hastily stepped back, out of her lap but still as close to her as he could be. She didn’t want to startle him by yanking him back, but she gripped his shoulders as tightly as she could and looked him in the face. “I don’t know just yet exactly where we’re going to go from here. But whatever happens, I swear on our brothers’ honor, I’m going to keep us both safe. And you...You have to be strong now, Hakuryuu. You’ve got to keep it together.” Hakuryuu’s eyes were blank, and his lips were pressed into a tight, thin line. She couldn’t tell what was going on inside his head at all. “Hakuryuu? Hakuryuu...?”

“Aneue...” Her brother’s head jerked up, and he met her gaze with steely conviction in his eyes. For the briefest of moments, Hakuei felt as if she were looking at their father once more. “I’m going to do that, too, aneue! I’ll be strong enough to protect you, too! Strong enough to...to...” His breath hitched, but he kept going: “To never let anything like this happen again!”

“Oh, _Hakuryuu,”_ she murmured, her throat tightening with emotion. She wondered if this was how her father and brother had felt, when she had declared the same thing to them. “You know how much I love you, right? How I would never let anyone hurt you like this again?” He nodded emphatically, and she gave him a tentative smile. “Then don’t forget it, because that’s never going to change.”

“I won’t.” Hakuryuu started to reach out to her, then stopped, looking at his arm and the bandages still wrapped around half of it. Upon being suddenly reminded of what he was here for in the first place, his face fell.

Hakuei immediately tried to reassure him. “I can help you take those off, if you - “

“No,” he said, surprising her. “If...If it’s all right with you...I think I want to try taking the rest off by myself.” 

“...All right, then. If you’re sure.” She leaned up and pressed a light kiss to the scarred skin above her brother’s left eye, and then got to her feet and started for the door, leaving him to do what he had to do. “If you want me back, or if you need anything else at all, just call for me. I’ll be right there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Moonlight on the Ruined Castle" is an actual Japanese song, the full version of which you can listen to here: http://www.mamalisa.com/?p=842&t=es&c=85


	5. Coming Together

_“I’m searching for answers not questioned before_  
The curse of awareness, there’s no peace of mind  
As your true colors show, a dangerous sign  
It’s in your eyes, what’s on your mind; the truth that you’ve buried inside.” 

_\- A Dangerous Mind,_ Within Temptation

~0~

_“Now is our chance...The bond between Kouen and that woman will start to crack. I’ve acquired power myself. I can protect you now, aneue.”_

_“Wh-What are you talking about?”_

_“It was Mother who killed Father and our brothers. You must have noticed it yourself, too. That Mother had changed...That band of priests behind her...They’re manipulating this country! They’re al-Thamen! We’re going to destroy them - you and I together! And then we’ll bring this country back to normal! That’s the only thing I’ve lived for until this day!”_

Hakuryuu’s words echoed in her head as she made her way through the musty stone corridors of the royal family’s tomb. She’d considered training to clear her mind, but she doubted it would work; her heart just wouldn't be in it. So perhaps if activity wasn’t what she needed right now, maybe the tomb’s deep and solemn silence was. She knelt between her brothers’ graves, facing her father’s behind theirs. She visited this place often, usually by herself, but sometimes with Kouen, and sometimes with Hakuryuu, none of them ever saying a word at any time. However, neither of them were what she needed right now.

“What I need...What everyone _really_ needs is all of you back here,” she murmured. “I wonder a lot, actually, what things would look like now if we still had you. You know, I always thought that you would be proud of me, that I could show you that I've become just as strong as you said I could be. All my life, the knowledge that you believed in me helped spur me on, in my education, in my training, in my time as a general. Even if I can’t bring myself to use Father’s methods to do it, I’ve spent my whole life as a soldier trying to finish what the three of you started, to carry on with your design for the world. I never questioned your love or your faith in me before. But...But now...”

_You must have noticed it yourself, too. That Mother had changed..._

“I did notice. Who wouldn’t have? After you died...Onii-sama, nii-sama, you never wanted her priests around, but once you were gone they were positively swarming the palace. Mother still acted kind, and I never doubted her love either, before now, but she started to become so distant from us. I blamed Uncle for it, I couldn’t figure out why she would be that way otherwise. And Hakuryuu...He wouldn’t have anything to do with her anymore. I was concerned, but he wouldn’t have much to do with anyone else but me for such a long time after the fire, and I thought that was just his way of coping with everything. Maybe I had...considered, that something might be just that little bit off, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. Everything that seemed strange could just be explained away, perfectly logically, I thought. Nobody else was questioning anything or anyone - not Kouen, not Koumei, not any of them - so I stopped trying to look for things that I knew must not be there. At least I thought I knew, until a few minutes ago, when Hakuryuu told me...”

_It was Mother who killed Father and our brothers!_

“It makes sense,” she went on, her voice lowering. “Everything fits, especially now that you, Father, and Uncle are dead and Mother’s become empress. I still don’t _want_ to believe it, of course, but it would be dangerous to keep denying it now, to not at the very least consider the possibility. But there’s one thing I don’t understand. Hakuryuu didn’t come to that conclusion himself, did he? At the time, I thought he was just still a little confused, but when he woke up after the fire, he was wary of our mother for a while. Wary, and then angry. He wasn’t like that at all before, so he must not have suspected anything before the fire. So that leads me to believe...that since he didn’t figure any of this out on his own, someone who already had must have told him about it. Someone perceptive, and clever, and directly in a potential murderer’s path to the throne...”

Her gaze moved to Hakuyuu’s gravestone, tracing the characters of his epitaph. “I understand why you and nii-sama did what you did. Even if he was young, if Hakuryuu’s life was going to be in danger, then of course he should have known about it. One can’t be prepared for a threat they know nothing about, after all. But, still, there’s that _one thing_ that I just can’t seem to figure out.” 

Venom was slipping into her words, and she clenched her shaking fists so hard in her lap that her nails dug into her palms. “Onii-sama, _why didn’t you tell me?_ You said it yourself, back then: with you and nii-sama gone, _I’m_ the oldest now and all your responsibilities have fallen to _me,_ not Hakuryuu! Hakuryuu was only six years old! I know eleven wasn’t much better, but even so, that burden should have been placed on _my_ shoulders instead of his and you _knew_ it! One would think that to properly fill your positions, it would be at least _somewhat_ important for me to know that _our own mother tried to kill us!_ How did you expect me to protect Hakuryuu when you left me clueless about what I should have been protecting him _from_ for all these years?! Why in the name of every god would you _not_ tell me that Mother wasn't what she se - ?!”

_People aren’t always who they seem to be, Hakuei. Sometimes they’ll do things that you would never have expected of them, and you need to be prepared for that._

Her breath caught in her throat as her brother’s calm, steady voice rang in her head. “Oh...” was all she could manage as the memories started to flow like water through a broken dam, all with new meaning to them that made her stomach drop. 

_Protecting Hakuryuu, keeping an eye on Mother...all of our burdens would fall on your shoulders._

_Hakuren, Kouen, and Koumei have always fought bravely with me, and I could never doubt that you and Hakuryuu love me. It’s just...Sometimes your judgement will be wrong._

_She looked at the soldiers like you’d look at rats or ants. She picked up a sword from a dead guard, charged at the soldiers, and slaughtered every single one of them. You wouldn’t have expected her to be so ruthless? Neither did I._

“Onii-sama...” Her voice and hands shook, and her eyes were wide with horror. “Oh, gods, onii-sama, _were you trying to warn me?_ This whole time...And I could never...I couldn’t...” 

Then reason kicked back in, abruptly knocking away her shock. “But, even if you were...How could you expect me to figure everything out just from little hints like that? You must have told Hakuryuu everything outright, from the way he acts, but you couldn’t do the same for me while you still had the chance?! Just come right out and say, ‘If we end up killed, suspect our mother,’ or something along those lines? Either you overestimated me or you didn’t care or...or...”

Hakuei trailed off, closing her eyes and taking a long, slow breath. “You said you trusted me, onii-sama,” she said softly, defeatedly. “I thought you trusted me. I thought Hakuryuu trusted me, too, but clearly he’s spent the past ten years following your example. I always told him that he could come to me about anything, that I would do everything I could to help him...And every time I reminded him of that, he told me he would, that I didn't need to worry. He lied right to my face, and so did you...”

With another deep sigh, she pulled herself to her feet. “I still love you both, so much. Nothing is going to change that. I don’t know what _else_ I’m supposed to feel about you now, but it doesn’t matter. I think what I still need is time alone to figure out what I'm going to do next.”

It didn't take her long to find her way out of the tomb, and she was still unsure of where would be best for her to go from here. But when she stepped out of the entryway into the open air, the sudden, distant sounds of crashing and rumbling from the palace courtyards made her jump. It was by no means an unfamiliar occurrence (regular training in a family of Dungeon Capturers wasn’t exactly a subdued affair, especially not when Kouha and Kouen were home), but that didn’t mean it didn’t still make her worry. 

_I should probably go make sure everything’s all right,_ she decided, and started to head over to the source of the sounds. But she had barely gotten halfway there when she turned a corner too quickly and ran into the family member she had least wanted to see again today. 

“Oh! Mother, I - I’m sorry, I didn’t see you!”

Gyokuen, flanked by her faceless retinue of priests, gave her a reassuring smile, but for the first time in her life, it made the hair on the back of Hakuei’s neck stand up. “It’s quite all right,” she said. “I didn’t get a chance to ask before, but how are you doing, Hakuei? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you, after all, and you seemed a little agitated leaving the funeral.”

“I...I’ve just been...” She couldn’t make herself meet her mother’s eyes, and the older woman frowned. 

“Leave us,” she ordered the priests, and as they obediently filed away, she reached out to lay a hand on Hakuei’s cheek. “Come with me, precious. You ought to relax, and we should talk, anyway.”

~0~

The domain of the emperor was by far the most opulent and luxurious in the palace, and in others circumstances, Hakuei might have been honored to be allowed to pay a visit (and perhaps not noticed how unusually quickly after Koutoku’s death the space had been furnished to fit the new empress). But now, alone in the isolated chambers with her mother, the silence building heavier and heavier on her shoulders, all she could think was that this must be how a trapped animal felt.

She sat in front of the vanity, as still as if something would bite her if she moved, watching her mother’s soft _(false?)_ smile and her own carefully neutral expression in the mirror. Though Gyokuen was as gentle as always as she undid her daughter’s hairpieces and started to comb the loose hair out, Hakuei had to keep herself from flinching every time the older woman’s fingers brushed her skin. Again and again, she pushed back images of those hands tightening around her neck or slitting her throat, smothered the instinct that screamed at her to run. It dawned on her that she had no idea exactly how strong her mother was, or how long she would last against her in a fight for her life, if it came to that. 

_Probably not very long...She was the one who trained onii-sama, after all, and no one could beat him in a fair fight. But is a fair fight really Mother’s style, though? Of course she could hold her own in battle if she had to, but that might not be what she likes. If Hakuryuu’s right...then the kills are furtive, relying on both trust and helplessness so that nobody can see it coming or fight back when -_

“Hakuei?” A startled yelp escaped her at the unexpected voice, and Gyokuen’s smile faded. “Shh, I didn’t mean to frighten you. What’s the matter, darling? You’re never this tense.” 

“I...I suppose I’m still a little taken aback by...what happened at Uncle’s funeral,” she got out awkwardly. Technically, it wasn’t a lie. As careless a father as Koutoku had been, she simply could not believe that it had truly been his will for his widow to inherit the throne instead of his eldest son. Obviously, there was no proof of any deceit or foul play, and she would have to be careful not to push too far, but the situation still unsettled her.

“Ah, I see. We were all very surprised at how things turned out, weren’t we? But I think that you may have misunderstood what I intend to do. I can’t very well hand over the crown to Kouen now, not when there’s still a war of conquest on. I know that Kouen’s a smart boy, but he just doesn’t have the experience to sit the throne and lead our armies at the same time. So while he’s away fighting, I’ll take care of everything else here, and when our family’s goals are complete, I’ll have no reason to keep the throne anymore, now, will I?”

“So you’ll give it back to him then, right?” Hakuei pressed, immediately picking up on what her mother had left out. _Or will Kouen die in some sort of tragic accident before he can be crowned, just like onii-sama? Would you do that? How easy would it be?_

“Of course I will,” Gyokuen said sweetly (too much so? She couldn’t tell). “It’s only right; he is the heir apparent, after all. But as empress, I have to look at the situation from all angles, and consider what it would really be the wisest decision. Don’t you agree?”

“In...In theory, yes. Ideally, the one who becomes emperor should be the one best suited for the job. And since onii-sama is gone, the next best person is Kouen. At least, from what I’ve experienced.”

“Not the children of the First Emperor? The one far stronger and more capable than the Second?”

Hakuei froze. Was _that_ what this was all about? _No, it can’t be, if she wanted her children on the throne instead of Uncle’s, then onii-sama would have been best, and she wouldn’t have...wouldn’t have...I have to answer._

“I will do everything I can for the empire, but I have no desire to take the throne. I am happy in my place as a general. Hakuryuu...” Their earlier conversation with Kouen in that back study (where her father had first taught her of his ambitions all those years ago) and Hakuryuu’s clear contempt for their older cousin unsettled her, and she wondered whether her brother was also thinking that his family deserved the throne instead of Koutoku’s. But she couldn’t let Gyokuen know that. “Hakuryuu hasn’t said anything to me about wanting to be emperor, but since he’s just cleared a dungeon, I’m sure that he can work his way up to the same position as the rest of our family’s Metal Vessel users.”

“No need to get so worked up, dear,” her mother said with a light laugh. “It was just a question, nothing more. The head of the family should know the feelings of all the other members. Unfortunately, that tends to be a more difficult job than one would expect. It’s sad when family feels the need to be so awfully suspicious of one another. We ought to be supporting and protecting each other instead, don’t you think?”

“Father...said something like that once,” Hakuei murmured, half to herself. The memory of his funeral, of the charred hole in her father’s head, floated into her mind and made her stomach twist. An assassin’s work, yes, but not the ones she had been led to believe...

“To you?” Hakuei nodded, and Gyokuen smiled. “Of course he did. He loved you dearly, after all, and you have always taken after him. I have to wonder, with you now fighting his battles abroad and me on his throne here, if, perhaps, this is what your father would have wanted?”

_You_ killed _my father!_ Hakuei wanted to scream, rage flaring up in her chest, a small part of her surprised at its sudden intensity. _We’re only in this situation because of you!_

“Well, we’ll never know about that,” she replied, trying to keep her voice steady. “But...it’s like you said. No matter how successful we all are individually, Father would never want the family to be divided.”

“Mm, I see your point,” Gyokuen conceded, setting the comb down and starting to style her daughter’s hair into a braid. “I like to think I’ve learned, but Toku was always better at this sort of thing than me. Take Hakuryuu, for instance: your father would certainly have been able to get through to him by now.”

“Hakuryuu...?” she repeated tentatively, a chill running down her spine and replacing her anger with fear. The mention of her brother brought another memory, another warning, up from the back of her mind:

_If you left now, who would help teach Hakuryuu? He looks up to you so much, and we wouldn’t want to leave him and your mother alone, would we?_

_So Father knew too...Oh, gods, all that time we’ve been on campaign and Hakuryuu’s been alone here with Mother...Anything could have happened to him and he would never have told me! Oh, Father, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!_

“What about him?”

“Why, you must have noticed, precious. Our poor Hakuryuu, he's never been the same since your brothers died. He used to be so open and cheerful, but he's so angry and closed-off now. He keeps bottling everything up inside himself, and it’s just not healthy, even if he does occasionally let his feelings out through his training. Did you hear him before?”

“What - _Oh!_ All that banging in the courtyard was _him?”_

“Yes. I like to see that he’s taken so well to his new Djinn, as I’m sure you’ve already seen yourself. Zagan is a surprisingly good fit for him. Even so, just that isn’t enough of an outlet, he needs to open up to other people if he wants to succeed like the rest of you. But he simply refuses to. You let me take care of you after the fire, remember?”

“Y-Yes,” Hakuei murmured, taken aback and unable to keep the note of sorrow from her voice. She could still remember, clear as yesterday: waking up from her drugged sleep lying in her mother’s lap, feeling her fingers running gently through her hair just as they were doing now, her blurred gaze focusing on the older woman’s loving but sad smile. 

Just how well-practiced, she wondered now, had that expression been? How empty were her words of comfort? How much had actually been comfort and how much had been Gyokuen just trying to get her daughter to stop crying and quiet down so she could finish killing her sons in peace?

“I’m grateful for it,” she heard herself saying.

“Don’t think so much of it. Of course I had to look after my little girl.”

Had her mother cared at all whether she lived or died? Had she really meant for her to burn along with her brothers that night? Now, after all these years, she fully understood Hakuyuu’s heartache as he recalled being protected by their mother as a child. She had saved his life, only to snuff it out later when it suited her. And she had soothed and cared for Hakuei, only to lie to and deceive her and steal away the people she loved the most. Now the grief was mixed with the heightened terror of not knowing who would be next to die, or how, or when, or whether it would be her first and then everyone she would be powerless to protect after her...

_How has Hakuryuu survived like this for so long?! And how could I have let it happen?!_

“Of course...” Her voice was barely a whisper.

Gyokuen made a small, amused noise. “Oh, my precious girl...You don’t have any idea what you mean to me, do you? You and all three of your brothers, Hakuryuu especially. He acts as if I’m poisonous, and I just can’t fathom why. Can you?” 

Hakuei opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Hakuryuu’s voice was screaming in her head: _It was Mother who killed Father and our brothers! It was Mother! It was Mother! It was Mother!_

“I...” She realized that her face in the mirror was too pale, her mouth and throat dry as sand. “I...I don't...”

Her voice nearly broke on the last word, and almost instantly, Gyokuen’s arms were wrapped around her shoulders. “Oh, my...I’ve been upsetting you, haven’t I? Poor dear, I hadn’t realized you still couldn’t talk about what happened.”

Her heart was racing now, and she wasn’t sure whether she feared her mother’s touch more than she longed for it. “N-No, it’s...I just...”

The embrace tightened, and she could feel the empress’ cheek brush against hers. “I’m so sorry, precious, I didn’t mean to. I brought you in here to relax, and now I’ve done the complete opposite.” She tried to say something in reply, but Gyokuen kept going before she could. “I know, how about we talk about something else to calm you down? Tell me how you’ve been doing, going all around the world. How about that?”

“A-All right, then...” It would be less emotionally harrowing, at least.

“All right.” Gyokuen pressed a light kiss to her temple and straightened back up, frowning for a moment at the braid she’d twisted her daughter’s hair into and then starting to unravel it again. “Talk to me. You’re enjoying having a Djinn with you, aren’t you? How well do you work with Paimon?”

And so it went, her mother’s gentle hands weaving through her hair, trying different styles, as Hakuei answered her questions. Yes, she thought she was a great match for her Djinn. Yes, Seishun was doing well. This was how they all worked as a team in battle. No, she didn’t miss being home so much anymore, she much preferred traveling with the army. Yes, she was proud of what she’d done. No, she was using her own methods instead of her father’s. No, not because she didn’t want to be like him, but because she found that peaceful cooperation worked better than her father’s severity, in both the short and the long run. Yes, she liked having the Kouga clan as her household, and yes, they were close friends now as well. Who was her favorite? Well, she didn’t like picking favorites, but she spent the most time with Doruji and Bator. This was how they fought together, this was what they did outside of battle. So on and so on, not as calming as promised but safely neutral ground, until evening began to darken the room.

“Are you getting tired, darling?” 

“What? Oh...I suppose so.” 

“Would you like to go now? I’d love for you to stay with me longer, but I’m sure you must need some rest after such a long day.”

“I think I would prefer that,” Hakuei tentatively agreed, not sure if she was being tacitly dismissed or not. 

“Very well. It might be the best time anyway,” Gyokuen remarked, taking Hakuei’s chin in her hand and tilting her head up to look in the mirror. “You finally look perfect.”

Hakuei had to keep herself from jumping at their reflection - for a second, with her mother’s twin braids in her own hair taking away the main difference between their faces, she’d thought she was seeing double. “Th-thank you...”

“My style suits you, don’t you think?” Gyokuen smiled fondly. “Look at you, the most beautiful girl in the empire.”

She couldn’t keep back a nervous laugh. “Mother, I look exactly like you. Who are you really complimenting?”

“Well, I suppose you’ve got me there,” her mother said, her smile not faltering, as Hakuei stood up and turned away from her. “Have a good evening, precious. Feel better.”

“Thank you.” 

At the moment, she wanted nothing more than to leave, to process everything away from her mother, her brother, and everyone else. But Hakuryuu’s eyes still burned at the back of her skull, and she couldn’t bring herself to go without at least broaching the subject, without _knowing._ So just before she reached the door, she stopped and turned back, taking a deep breath and forcing herself to look her mother in the face.

“Mother...Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, dear, anything.”

“After the funeral today,” she said, every word slow and deliberate. “Hakuryuu...told me something.”

Something she couldn't place flashed in Gyokuen’s eyes. “Did he, now?”

“Yes. About...About you.”

“Oh?” A very different sort of smile curved her mother’s lips, making her stomach turn and her heart pound. Gyokuen found this _amusing,_ and she could think of only one reason why.

“He said...He told me that...What I mean to say is...Mother, did...did you...?”

_What is wrong with you?! You coward, just say it!_ Just before, she had wanted nothing more than to scream accusations at her mother, to hold her accountable for everything that had happened, but now that the moment had come, she couldn’t even find her voice. There was a distinctly mocking edge to the empress’ smile now as she watched her daughter stumble over the question, and it turned Hakuei’s insides cold. _Oh, gods, she_ knows _what I’m going to ask! She knows I know what she did...I have to ask...I have to...!_

“Come now, dear, don’t be shy,” Gyokuen cooed, and the sweetness of her voice sickened Hakuei. “Go on - what could Hakuryuu possibly have told you that’s frightening you so?”

_...No. I don’t have to._

“Nothing. It’s nothing,” she muttered, turning back for the door a second too late to miss the smug look that passed across her mother’s face. “I’ll talk with Hakuryuu tomorrow. Forget I said anything.”

_I already know._

~0~

That night was a difficult one. Despite the comfort of her bed, Hakuei drifted in and out of sleep every few minutes, disoriented and exhausted. She would wake from nightmares of trying desperately to hold her brothers together as their bodies fell apart in her hands, to find herself clutching the sheets so hard her knuckles had turned white. The cold, clammy feeling like frost on her skin never went away, and she lost count of how many times she reached under her pillow for Paimon’s Vessel, running her fingers over the warm metal and soft feathers to soothe herself back to sleep. (Paimon’s closeness was in itself comforting: she might not be able to rely wholly on her family any more, but she was certain that she could always trust her Djinn to protect her and stay by her.)

She would have no time to recover from the stressful hours, either: almost the moment that sunlight started to stream through the curtains, a sharp knock came at her door. Groaning, Hakuei pulled herself out of bed, blinking the sleep out of her eyes. “One minute!”

At least life as a soldier had taught her how to be completely awake and ready in exactly that time, she thought as she opened her door. “Bator, Doruji, good morning.”

“Morning, General,” Bator said, looking as tired as she felt. “We’ve been sent to tell you that we’re moving out on our next campaign in less than an hour. You, us, Seishun-san, the whole household.”

“What? Why am I only finding this out now?”

“Because we didn’t know until five minutes ago,” Doruji explained. “I thought it best not to question Her Majesty’s orders.”

“My mother’s...?” It took a moment for everything to click, and when it did, Hakuei felt like bashing her head against the wall. 

_So that’s your move, is it? “All right, you know my secret, so now get the hell out of my palace before you can team up with your brother?” Damn it...Maybe it was a bad move to say out loud that I was going to talk with Hakuryuu. Mother being cautious about how we might do against her together is a good sign, but it won’t do a thing for us if we’re kept apart._

“Do either of you know where my brother is?” 

Both Kouga thought for a moment, and then Doruji answered, “Sorry, General, I haven’t seen Prince Hakuryuu anywhere.”

“I haven’t either,” said Bator. “It’s like he just up and disappeared after Lord Koutoku’s funeral yesterday.”

Hakuei sighed. As general, she wouldn’t have time for anything but preparing herself and her troops for whatever mission they were being sent on next, especially on such short notice. But maybe she could make this work. “Bator, you’re all ready to go, aren’t you?” 

“I am.”

“Then if you can find my brother before we have to leave, would you pass along a message to him for me?”

“I’ll do the best I can, General. What would you like me to say?”

“Tell him...that I’m sorry I never figured things out for myself before he told me. And I’m also sorry that I left him like that yesterday, and that I’ll talk to him more the next time we see each other. He’ll understand,” she added, noticing the bewilderment on their faces. 

“I can remember that. I’ll see you soon, then.” With a quick salute, Bator bolted off, and Hakuei started down the halls to where her household had been stationed, Doruji following at her side. 

“General...Whatever’s going on with you and Prince Hakuryuu, is there anything I can do to help?” he asked.

“I’m afraid not. This is something we need to work out between ourselves.”

“I understand. But knowing you, you’ve probably got everything under control already anyway, right?” Doruji said, giving her a bright smile that she couldn’t help but return, heartened by her friend’s confidence in her. 

“Right. I think that I do.” _I don't. At all. But with any luck I will soon, my mother be damned._

Hakuryuu had gotten it wrong yesterday. Even if he had gained power, it would be Hakuei looking after him, not the other way around. He wouldn’t have to bear any more of this alone, just as soon as they were together again.

_Don’t worry, Hakuryuu. Your big sister will protect you. I’ll fulfill my duty to our empire and to our father and brothers now, but I won’t forget my duty to you, I promise. Just wait a little longer for me, and everything will be okay._

~0~


	6. Transformation

_“Don’t be afraid...We always fall, and after the pain, we always rise. Don’t cry, my little girl. Your heart is pure, but your mind is tormented.”_

\- Grace Dagenhart, _Fran Bow_

~0~

Hakuei was at a crossroads.

The envoy from the capital had just relayed the news to her as they passed through the Tenzan Plateau: _Prince Hakuryuu has rebelled. His troops have overrun Rakushou, stormed the palace - General Hakuei, I am so sorry. Your mother is dead, at the hands of your brother._

Seeing the shock and horror on her face, her troops had gladly allowed her time alone to get some rest, process what had happened, and get herself together in time to deal with it. She was grateful for their thoughtfulness: they couldn’t know what she was actually upset about.

Her mother? Demons take her mother. Let her face the blade like every other murderer and usurper. Her brother...Now he was the real problem. 

Hakuryuu wasn’t going to stop here, she thought as she paced back and forth in her tent. If he was willing to go so far as to publicly murder the empress and claim the throne for himself, then he would extend his wrath to anyone who dared challenge him, even the rest of the family. No, _especially_ the rest of the family - Hakuryuu had made his hatred of Kouen quite clear, and he would be only too happy to slaughter him and everyone who followed him. And Kouen would never take this lying down, so battle between them was inevitable...A full-blown civil war was inevitable.

 _Damn it!_ She smacked her forehead, hard, to stave off both her impending headache and her urge to hit something in frustration. _Damn you, Hakuryuu, I told you I just needed some more time! We could have figured something out together! We could have fixed things before they turned into a mess like this! Why couldn’t you have just waited for me?!_

 _But,_ her voice of reason kicked in, _why would he? He’s been waiting to do this for over ten years, and he’s not going to wait any longer for someone whose support he can’t count on. Do you really think you’re that important to him?_

No. No, she wasn’t. She had made the wrong move, walked away instead of standing by her brother when he needed her so badly. Sighing, she trailed her fingers down the side of her face. _Hakuryuu...You lived knowing the truth for over ten years. Why,_ why _didn’t you tell me sooner? Why did you lie to me for all this time? I could have helped you...Why couldn’t you let me?_

But it wouldn’t help anything to dwell on that. It was her miscalculation back in Rakushou that had led to this...As such, she could not afford to slip up again here. But the question was not, what was she to do, it was, which endgame would she fight for?

If this would come to a war between Kouen and Hakuryuu, then there could only be one victor. Only one prince could walk away from this alive, with Hakuei there to back him as he fought for that right. She had only a short time before the news reached Kouen and Koumei, and a choice had to be made before then. So...Who was it going to be?

Her first instinct was to run to Hakuryuu’s side, to shield him from anything and everything that would dare try to harm him. As broken and belittled as her father’s bloodline was, she was still its eldest, and it was her responsibility to protect it. Her father had done the same for her older brothers, and her brothers had done the same for her. When they were alive, she had felt safe in the knowledge that they would never let anyone hurt her. Surely she could now do the same for Hakuryuu. Surely defending her family should be her top priority. 

Surely, this would be a much easier choice if Kouen wasn’t family, too. 

While Hakuryuu had spent his life after the fire trying to avenge their father and brothers, Kouen had spent his life trying his best to carry on their will, as she herself had. She had absolutely meant what she had said to her mother all those months ago: if Hakuyuu could not be emperor, then Kouen was the next best choice. Hakuryuu had never been trusted with status or soldiers like her or their cousins, so he had never learned how to be a good leader. He could be guided and taught, of course, but whether he would become anywhere near as effective as Kouen had already proven himself to be was up in the air. Kouen had devoted himself to the well-being of the Kou Empire, both as it was now and as it would be in their family’s vision of the future, while Hakuryuu had only ever been able to see their mother’s corruption of it.

But then again...Hadn’t Kouen been a part of that corruption, too? The truth of her father and brothers’ deaths had weighed on Hakuei’s mind ever since the night Hakuryuu had revealed it to her, and in all the thought she had put into the matter, she had found that some things didn’t quite add up. Namely, that there was not a chance in hell that Kouen hadn’t figured out on his own everything that Hakuryuu had been told by their brother. 

He had become crown prince and head of the imperial army, just as Hakuyuu had been, and he was as smart and perceptive as her older brothers. They had shared their lives with him just as he now shared his with Koumei and Kouha. And while they had been less obvious about it than Hakuryuu had, she had only started to pick up on the brothers’ suspicion and dislike of the empress and her obsessively loyal priests after the fire. While she couldn’t know anything for certain just yet, the chances that Kouen was completely ignorant of the truth were very, very low.

And just like Hakuryuu, he had kept all of it from Hakuei. 

Immediately after the fire, Hakuryuu had been helpless, afraid, and more than a little foolish, but Kouen had been anything but. He had to have known that he could not work alone, that his best bet was to work with his yet uncorrupted family members instead of shutting them out. In fact, he probably had; he trusted Koumei and Kouha with everything else, why not this? To leave her out of it, when it was _her_ immediate family that had been destroyed, was inexplicable. Had she ever once given him cause to doubt her, to decide not to confide in her? She had thought long and hard, back and back, certain that she must have done _something_ to deserve being deceived like this by every relative she held dear, but could come up with nothing. 

The most important information of her life, bar none, and Kouen had decided for no reason at all that he didn’t need to say a word to her about it. Just like her brothers, he hadn’t considered her important enough to be kept in the loop.

_You selfish bastards...I gave you all my trust, I gave you all my loyalty, and this is what you did with it? This is how you repay me?!_

Perhaps she was being unfair. There had to be some pieces that she was missing from this whole situation, that would let her make sense of it all if only she had them. And maybe it was her own fault for not figuring everything out on her own before this, but even so...The fact remained that Kouen might not be the bastion of strength and hope for the empire that she tended to hold him up as. She could see his reasoning for letting her mother go untroubled and unpunished: It hadn’t passed under her notice that al-Thamen tended to be active in the countries that they chose to take next, and it wasn’t hard to see now how they had been meant to weaken their targets’ defenses so that the royal family would have an easier time charging in to tear them down. She had to give credit to him, it was an effective strategy, but one that left a bitter taste in her mouth. He had loved her father and brothers, and yet he was willing to work nearly in tandem with their murderers for the sake of their family’s mission. 

It occurred to her that that could be why he had never told her anything: he had known that if Hakuei was fully aware of everything that was going on, she would never have let him do it. For as long as she could remember, she had been devoted to the cause of her father and older brothers, but devoted even more deeply to the men themselves. To dishonor them by letting their murderers run free and do as they pleased...That was a line she could never cross. 

But, she could see the reasoning behind this, too. Though their methods clearly weren’t as compatible as she had thought, she and Kouen had fought together towards a common goal: to finish the unification of the empire that the elder three had started, to fulfill the purpose of the royal family. Perhaps she should start thinking about what the move she made here would mean for that. 

Kouen was the sort of man who did not comprehend the concept of giving up. Backing off and lying in wait for a better opportunity he could do, but he would never rest until he achieved his goals; among everything else, the world would bow at his feet or he would die trying to force it down. She had always admired him for it, and that hadn’t changed even now. He would certainly be able to complete her father’s mission, even if he could live with using the cult that the emperor had disapproved of and ended up killed by to help him do it. It seemed to run in the family - Hakuryuu was the same way, but his goals were far less clear to her. He loved their father and brothers enough to dedicate his life to avenging their deaths, but she could not be sure whether he was anywhere near as interested in rule or conquest as he was in vengeance. Maybe that was his plan now, maybe it wasn’t; maybe she could influence him otherwise, maybe she couldn’t. If she chose him, she would have to deal with that uncertainty, but then, she had never feared the unknown before. Besides, Hakuryuu was -

The thought brought her up short. By law and by blood...Hakuryuu was the rightful heir to the empire, as Hakutoku’s only surviving son. Yes, they had willingly relinquished that right to Koutoku all those years ago, but they had been young and uncertain and scared, and she had a feeling that their mother wouldn’t have let them do anything else even if they had been so inclined. What would it be to her, anyway, to kill one or two more troublesome children blocking her path to the throne? It all came back to her father’s bloodline...Once it had truly been something for her to be proud of, something pure and honorable. Now, it had been corrupted, by her mother’s cult and her arrogant uncle alike. Kouen, at least, she was sure had not meant to act against them. But plenty of her uncle’s ilk had spent plenty of time impressing upon her just how much things had changed.

_You can’t act on your own. You’re just the daughter of the previous emperor._

_Who cares if the Magi wants to help her clear a dungeon? Marry her off and get her out of here, we can't treat her better than the actual princesses._

_Yours is a small and useless existence! What kind of an imperial princess are you?_

_Only fit to be Prince Kouen’s broodmare._

_It’s so satisfying, to see my older brother’s child on her knees in front of me._

As if her father meant nothing, as if _she_ meant nothing, after everything they had done. After so many years, she was getting quite sick of it. Especially when her branch of the family had been responsible for uniting the Kou Empire and for introducing peace to their homeland, and Koutoku and Kouen’s had been responsible for allowing into both the evil that her father and brothers had died trying to stop. Maybe...Maybe it would be for the best if she and Hakuryuu reclaimed their birthright, restored their bloodline to power. Even together, they couldn’t fix everything that had gone wrong, but they would do all that they could. Their father would have wanted them to do that, right...?

That was the most important question of her life, wasn’t it, the one that marked every step she took: What would her fallen family want from her? What would they do, if it were them in her place?

But for the first time, she had no answer. 

Her father, Hakuyuu, Hakuren...None of them had ever been in a position like this, not even when deciding to oppose their mother. How was she supposed to know what they would have decided to do? Who was she to say whether they would have chosen to protect their family over their empire, or the other way around? And if she was really being honest with herself...What did it matter, this one time? She could waste time considering the ups and downs of it all she liked, but deep down, she knew which she valued more. 

“Father...” she murmured, something in her chest twisting at the realization that she was, most likely, about to betray everything the emperor had ever taught her about her responsibility as his daughter. “Father, I’m sorry...I can’t keep our country together. I can’t keep our family together. I can’t do _anything_ I promised you I would. All I can do now...is try to protect the most important part of both.”

The royal family was to break no matter what choice she made, and a good portion of the empire with it, leaving her to pick up the pieces afterwards. That was something she could not avoid. So, this really all came down to which part of her family she could come to terms with losing forever, knowing that she was the reason for it. But even though the idea still turned her stomach, she could not pretend that she hadn’t already made up her mind about it.

It would break her heart to point her blade at her cousins, to become their enemy. But she could find it in herself to do it to them. To do the same to her only little brother...would be impossible.

_I’m sorry, Kouen, Koumei, everybody...But I don’t have any other choice. I never did. He’s all I have left of my family...And I’m all that he has left, too._

“So it’s decided, then,” she murmured, finally stopping in the middle of the floor. “Whatever happens...I have to protect Hakuryuu.”

_What a coincidence...I was just thinking something along those lines myself._

Hakuei gasped, instinctively reaching down and grabbing her Metal Vessel. _That wasn’t my voice!_ she thought, her eyes moving frantically around the tent in search of the source. “Who’s th - ”

Before she could even get the full word out, a great pull, from somewhere inside her, ripped the air from her lungs. Paimon’s Vessel fell with a clatter to the ground as she collapsed onto her bedroll, her heart racing as her body seized up. She tried to move, to cry out for help, but every muscle in her body burned and tightened and she couldn't muster the breath to even whisper. _I...Am I dying?! What is this?!_

_Shhh, be a good girl and don't struggle. This never takes long._

Her eyes widened in horror as she recognized the deceptively sweet voice. _No...No, you’re dead! Hakuryuu killed you!_

 _Killed me? Oh, he didn’t even come_ close. _Now, just settle down, this will all be over soon._

 _No! Get away from me!_ The searing pain held her body immobile, save for a few erratic jerks towards the tent’s door flaps as she tried desperately to move, her pulse pounding in her ears blocking out all other sound. Her throat was closing up, turning her attempt at a scream into a barely audible rasp. Seishun was out there...All her soldiers, her whole Household was out there...If she could get just one of them to realize she needed them!

 _Don’t waste your time. No one will notice when you’re gone._

The world spun sickeningly around her, and darkness was quickly moving in at the edges of her vision. She could feel her consciousness, her very self, being torn away from her, as something colder and stronger than her sank its claws into her mind. _I can't...You won't kill me too! I won't let you - !_

_Hush, now. Don't be frightened, precious. Mother’s here._

The darkness was sucking her in, dragging her down with the force of a whirlpool, somewhere deep within herself. As a soldier, Hakuei had long been prepared to die, but she had never imagined she could feel this kind of pain, or be this _terrified_ of what was happening to her. She couldn't see, couldn't feel her own body, could only fall away with one last muted scream.

~0~

It was always a strange sensation to settle into a new body, Arba reflected. Aside from currently being a heap on the ground, her muscles were terribly sore and it was taking a moment for her vision to adjust. Well, no matter. That was the force necessary to hold her panicked child still and silent while she took over. And after a thousand years of doing this, she had learned to recover quickly. 

But she hadn’t even had a moment to get her bearings when a blue-white blur burst through the tent’s entrance. “Hakuei?” Seishun cried, his eyes widening when he saw how disheveled she looked. “Are you all right? I thought I heard you - ”

“Oh, y-yes, I’m fine, Seishun. I wanted to try and get some rest, but...Just a bit of a nightmare. You understand, right?” she said, rubbing the back of her neck as if in embarrassment. Hakuei had told her before how, more often than not, she tossed and turned in her sleep, muttering over and over again the names of her brothers. Her tangled hair, the sweat on her forehead, the slightly higher pitch of her voice as she got used to working her throat, those could all be explained away by that. 

The explanation seemed to calm Seishun. “I understand...Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yes. Thank you for checking on me, I appreciate it.”

“I’ll be right outside, then. Just call for me if you need anything,” Seishun said, smiling at her as he stepped back out of the tent. 

“I know,” she assured him with her own smile, which twisted into a smirk the second his back was turned and the door flap fell shut again. Poor, foolish boy...He’d been just an _instant_ too late to see his mistress’ last moments. How tragic. How _priceless._

Getting to her feet, Arba looked around the tent, taking in her surroundings. Her eyes fell on Hakuei’s Metal Vessel, and she picked it up off the ground, running her thumb up and down the smooth gold as she examined it. Her smirk widened; she could almost hear Paimon within it, screaming in rage and grief at the loss of her beloved princess. _Like master, like Djinn, it appears: no one else will ever hear you,_ she thought as she tossed the fan onto her bedroll. _That’s the price you pay for letting Solomon’s twisted laws bind you._

A glint of glass from the side of the tent caught her eye: a small mirror, lying atop a pile of Hakuei’s other belongings. She took it in her hand, holding it out and angling it to look at her daughter’s face and form in the reflection, as if admiring a new dress. For years on end, she had watched Hakuei’s body grow beautiful and strong, becoming the most perfect vessel, and she had been almost impatient for the day when she would house her soul within it. And now that she finally had, it felt every bit as good as she had hoped it would.

 _My precious little girl,_ Arba thought, any affection the pet name had left drowned out by smug triumph. _You had a plan for this world, too, didn’t you? One you would have given everything you had to see come to fruition. But even so, your life was a waste. Your story is over, and now? You are mine._

~0~


End file.
